According to Edward T. Hall's studies in proxemics, social distances fall into several categories, among which:

- Intimate distances, close phase: up to 6 inches. Total involvement and erotic contact.
- Intimate distances, far phase: 6 to 18 inches, a distance considered neither desirable nor polite by an American adult.
- Personal distances, close phase: 18-30 inches. Acceptable in everyday relations but not for instance between two businessmen.
- Personal distances, far phase: 30 inches to 3 feet: at arm's length, "safe" from physical aggression.

Such a classification is completely invalid in a country such as Lebanon, where to keep one's distance with the person we are addressing is perceived as aloof. What westerners would term "invasion of personal boundaries" is over here a way to manifest respect and liking: "I have such regard for you that I want to be in your space and for you to be in mine". Physical contact is widespread, although do not make the mistake of thinking this is a blanket statement devoid of subtleties: there is a complex, unwritten code of when and how touching is normal. Hugs are rare and more intimate, while kissing on the cheeks is the standard way of greeting or expressing affection. It is also a way to greet people we have just met, but only if you are introduced by a friend. When a person is your friends' friend, he or she is by extension your friend, and you can use the greeting kiss. No one can agree throughout the country on the number of kisses (between 1 and 4), so there's always a certain degree of awkwardness (usually laughed off) to this greeting, but fortunately, everyone starts by kissing the right cheek. The more formal the greeting, the more kisses are given; close friends are usually content with one kiss without a handshake. The latter "single kiss" though is usually among girls, or between a male and a female -- I have observed it mostly in peers, at high school and university. Interestingly enough, the single kiss is too unmanly to be used among men. Young men in the same circumstances sometimes use a greeting that involves physical contact without using kisses (although kisses are used by the very same people when they meet in more public/formal settings like a party): they hold hands for a brief second. This isn't a handshake, it's actually holding hands for the span of time of a handshake. It doesn't require the use of the right hand nor does one need to face the other person when using this salute. This is also used between persons of opposite genders who are close but a little less closer then those who can use the kiss.

The subtleties are such that rather than theorize them, it's better to give illustrations of how touch occurs in situations.

Situation: Two male friends meet after a long while. Typically, the verbal greeting is accompanied by kissing on the cheeks with a hand on each other's shoulder. They stand close as they talk, and one might put a hand on the other's waist or ribs, or on his back under his arm. These gestures are unconscious and I believe they stem from the closeness -- when two people are standing that close, keeping their arms against their own body would be awkward, so they bridge the little gap left by creating physical contact.
Here the message is that "We are brothers", and it's reinforced verbally by the fact that people in this situation usually address each other as "Brother".

Situation: Two men are arguing on the street for some reason, but their aggressiveness is directed towards a situation rather than each other. The lesser unnerved of the two, or a third party who isn't involved and is therefore still calm, may grab the other one by the shoulder while tryign to calm him down verbally and through hand signs. What happens next depends on how pissed off the person is, but the gesture itself is accepted. If someone shook off the hand, it would most likely cause shock, and the other would wonder "What the hell's wrong with that guy?" In this situation the touch has a value of saying "We're not enemies and we can work this out".

Situation: I'm about to cross the street with a friend and his friend. I hardly know the latter, but through the "friend's friend" principle and the fact he's a bit older, we are friends and he feels responsible for me. He grabs me by the arm to walk me across, standing between me and the cars (did I mention crossing the road here requires studied timing and quick legs?).
This time the authoritative contact has a message of "I will act as your father for a moment".

You may have noticed that my examples involve mostly men. I'm not familiar enough with the rules of touch among females to pinpoint them yet. Female friends generally touch a lot though: kissing, hugging and holding each other by the waist are ways of showing closeness and affection, but this is especially true of the more modest classes. I believe this is because living at close quarters with the rest of your family, often well into adulthood, creates a physical kind of communication both cross- and intra-genders. Men do not touch women they don't know, though physical contact comes in at once when they're a friend. They may, however, touch (to a limited extent) women young enough to still be considered a "daughter".

I haven't mentioned yet a situation where touch is always acceptable regardless of context, age, closeness and gender: to attract someone's attention, whether to ask a question or point something out. I only mention it because I know that in some parts of the world, even such a simple touch is considered rude. If you were in Lebanon and took pains to keep your hands to yourself, you may get comments like "I'm not leprous you know!" Naturally, overdoing it would not be seen kindly either.

An interesting consequence of such proxemics is the difference in voice. I can recognize an American across a crowded restaurant thanks to his or her voice, which to my ears is clear and resonant, uttered from the chest. In contrast, it often seems like Lebanese people speak from their throat, and their voices are neither penetrating nor far-reaching, since they seldom need to carry very far in daily life (when they do, they have no qualms about bellowing).

The more westernized, the less physical the Lebanese get, and the distance to which a person keep him/herself can be revealing of where he lives or has lived.

I'll finish with a locally famous example. During the last visit of president Jacques Chirac a few years ago, a traditional mezza lunch was served to the representants of both governments. The mezza involves eating with one's hands, using Lebanese bread to spoon the food and keep one's fingers clean. Our president prepared a mouthful of hommos and went "Here Mr Chirac, taste this" as he stuffed the bite in Chirac's mouth. 'Nuff said for proxemics!

Article © Joumana Medlej